In 2014, I started Tinder Live! – a comedy show exploring the crazy world of Tinder. This means that in the last five years, I’ve spent many, many hours browsing the app (so much so in fact that I am relieved there’s no way to know how many hours I lost on there).
Through all this swiping, I like to think I’ve learned a lot about men. To be fair, “men” in this case can mean men I’ve never met but see a lot on Tinder, men I did meet on Tinder and men I talked to on Tinder but never went out with. Here’s what I learned, using an admittedly broad brush because it’s what dating apps push you to do: sense a pattern and then become upset by how persistent the pattern is, leading you to believe (usually falsely) that everyone is the same.
Why Tinder Doesn’t Work For Guys
Why Tinder sucks: cold, hard numbers & how it can suck less – Hasty Reader
The dating app works by putting you through a fairly long and detailed process where you fill in your details, preferences, personality type and more. Once this step is completed, eHarmony will then match you with people who are most similar and compatible to you. That’s basically the gist of it.
Tinder sucks for pretty much everybody. Most common reasons are the poor quality of conversations or too much focus on physical attractiveness and not on personality. Tinder sucks most for average guys since men outnumber female users 2:1 and because women are much more selective than men. This results in guys getting very few matches, and a frustrating time when using the app.
They don’t want to be ‘just’ pen pals … but they also don’t want to meet
This blows my mind. So many men on Tinder will bemoan becoming pen pals, say they don’t want their time wasted and just want to meet already, but will also think that their saying “Hey” and asking you how your Sunday was, the end, should be enough conversation for you to invest $50 and two hours getting ready and traveling to a bar to see if they’re worth your night out.
I guess the idea here is to have no connection at all, and presume this guy is the total package, and to spend a few hours in person seeing if you’re wrong because, eh, what’s a waste of a night of your life? I don’t get this, I’ll never get this, and I hate it.
They might want casual sex, but aren’t willing to admit it
I’ve seen so many men try to find a cute, chill way to say in their bio that casual sex is fine I guess, but they’d prefer a connection lol no big deal or not haha whatever: here’s a quote from The Office. It’s such a bummer and so relatable. Because while men are busy trying to be coy about whether or not they want something more, so are women.
But what if, WHAT IF, we were both honest and both got what we truly wanted?
I don’t know if it’s in an effort to play it cool, but even men who “super like you” will not message you. They won’t message you first, leaping at the chance to because OMG you liked them back and they liked you so much! And they might not even message you back if you message them first.
Nope, they super liked you, just to let you know they’d … what? Super bang you? I have no idea, but it really bums me out.