How To Behave After Sleeping With A Guy – Helena Hart
Why Did He Disappear After We Had Sex?
What I am telling you is that these guidelines work for dating as a high value empowered woman. It’s not about hard and fast rules like waiting three months for sex as some experts say. It’s about dating with dignity. It’s about showing a man that you are a woman who honors and respects herself. It’s also about understanding men who are hardwired to be hunters.
I have been divorced for ten years and just started dating again. On Saturday, I had a third date with Alan, a guy I really like. We went hiking for a few hours, came back to my house, eventually had sex for the first time, then went out to a movie. When we drove back to my house, he just walked me in and left quickly. It was ok that he was leaving. It just happened a bit abruptly. I thought he might call on Sunday, but when he didn’t, I sent him a quick email. I guess I expected a bit more on the return email. He didn’t mention anything about our date, or talking again, or asking me out again. So my 16-year-old self is telling me that he doesn’t really like me and I might have made a big mistake. Should I wait and see if he calls again or email him again? I hate playing these stupid dating games!
Men lead with their sexuality. Some are quite obvious about it. It doesn’t mean you have to give in to their timeline for sex. And it also means that they are…MEN. Wouldn’t you rather have a man be attracted to you and show his desire than a man who is asexual or afraid to make a move?
So, Mary, don’t beat yourself up for what happened with Alan. I suggest that as you continue to date, develop your standards around sex and relationships. This is not about playing “stupid dating games”. It’s about loving and respecting yourself enough to not tolerate the “wham bam thank you Ma’am” guys. (Or the ones who don’t even have the courtesy to say, “Thank you, Ma’am” like Alan.) When you know your relationship standards and you communicate them to the men you’re dating, you’ll separate the jerks from the keepers and soon find a man who respects and loves you as you deserve.
Women lead with their emotions. They look for intimacy and connection. During sex, women release the hormone Oxytocin, which makes them bond to the man they’re with. I’ve had many clients who thought they’d be okay with casual sex, but when the man didn’t call the next day, they were devastated. They felt used. They wanted to know that a guy cared about them after sex. When you give it away too quickly, he gets the prize he’s hunting, and he might be done with the chase. A man like Alan is probably on to the next hunt. Many men are more sensitive than Alan and will cherish you more after sex. They’ll follow up with an email or text. But a majority of men are just like Alan. When sex comes too easily, they can lose interest. You become less valuable to them.