Even though it’s a little old-fashioned, some people will wait 3 days after a date to text you back to make you miss them more. Waiting any longer than a week could be a sign they’re not interested, and it might be best to let the conversation die out.
How long should I wait in between text messages?
Should I text him if he pulls away? Here’s what you need to know before doing anything.
Before you make a move, it’s a good idea to give things some time and space first.
Especially when we find ourselves in a vulnerable situation, it’s all too easy to project a story before we have the facts. It’s totally natural
Firstly, it stops you from doing anything that you may later regret.
In the heat of the moment, you don’t want to do or say something that turns out to be an overreaction.
Time is relative, and we all know that a watched phone never pings.
It may feel like you haven’t heard from him in ages. But if he is busy doing something else for a few days, the time may have flown by for him.
Do nothing for at least 3 days, and if you can hold out longer, I’d recommend leaving it between 4-7 days before texting him.
I know this can feel like a lifetime when you are waiting for contact, but as they say, time will tell.
After a week, the situation could have resolved itself by then. At the very least it will probably have more clarity around it.
At this time he may message you to say he’s sorry he was off radar for so long and explain why.
Or if you still don’t hear anything from him during that time, at least it shows you that your suspicions could be right and he is pulling away now you have shown interest.
This makes knowing your next best move a lot easier.
In situations where being intentional with my words is super important, I literally write out my texts beforehand in the notes on my phone.
Some people may argue this is over the top, and I should just go with the flow and be myself.
But I am being myself. I am just being the most considered version of myself.
Getting it straight in your own head first allows you to really think about what you actually want to say, as well as the best way to phrase it.
That way you’re not put on the spot or end up sending something in the spur of the moment — when you are feeling triggered or looking for a reaction out of him.
Maybe you decide to lay your cards on the table, or maybe you don’t feel like you have reached that stage yet and want to keep things light (if it’s still not clear whether he really is pulling away or not).
Later in the article, we’ll run through some potential messages you can send to him.
But good questions to ask yourself when you are thinking of what to say in your text are:
Even if you are feeling frustrated or annoyed, it’s better to take charge of the situation than get mad.
I’m guessing every one of us has lost our cool at some point or another — especially when it comes to romance.
When it looks like things aren’t going the way we would like, we can find ourselves feeling desperate and grasping — but this just pushes people further away.
Losing what you think you want always feels like a scary prospect.
But remember that if a guy isn’t invested in you, there is literally nothing you can do to make him.
Look at it this way, finding out now stops you from wasting any more of your precious energy on him.
It also frees you up to move on and find the right man for you, who is waiting out there. One who won’t pull away.
Do whatever you need to do behind the scenes to help you stay composed.
Vent to friends, go out and have fun, and try to distract yourself rather than overthinking or stewing on things.
It’s not about pretending to him that everything is ok when it’s not.
I’m all for transparency and honesty within relationships, but always in the most dignified way possible too.
Let’s face it, in the romance world we all need to put on our best game face from time to time.
While this article will shed light on how long you should wait to text him when he pulls away, I’d recommend speaking to a certified relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to your unique situation…
Relationship Hero is a popular site where highly trained relationship coaches help people work through complex relationship issues, like pulling away. Their popularity is a testament to how skilled their coaches are.
Why am I so confident that they can help you?
Well, I recently experienced a tough patch in my own relationship, and I reached out to a coach for help. From the moment I got in touch, I was given genuine, helpful advice, and was finally able to see my relationship issues with real clarity.
I was blown away by how kind and empathetic my coach was.
Within minutes, you could be receiving life-changing advice on how to navigate and repair the issues you’re facing with this guy.
At the end of the day we can’t really control our thoughts or emotions, but we can control our actions.
Self-respect and boundaries are so important to our own self-worth and mental health. But they are also incredibly attractive to other people too.
When we see someone who treats themselves right, we assume that they must have a lot to offer — because they act like they do.
We are far more likely to want to be around someone who shows us that they know their value.
It’s important to point out the huge difference between showing someone your value and just telling them.
A drunken late-night message declaring how you are ‘too good for him anyway’ doesn’t highlight this.
But a respectful text explaining exactly where you stand, followed swiftly by you stepping back, does.
It’s super tempting to try and manipulate the situation to get what you want. I think we’ve all done it at some point, right?
But whenever you feel like you have to convince the other person to show up for you, it always ends in tears eventually (and sadly, they’re always ours).
Whatever you do, when you are ready to send your text to him, just send one.
Make sure it’s not an essay, instead keep it short — just two or three sentences max.
Then do nothing. This can be the painful waiting game you have to play.
The ball is in his court now and you need to be prepared to walk away.
This is where you show him that you are of high value.
If you don’t get the reply from him that you were looking for, no matter how much it stings, believe it is for the best.
Because in all my years of relationships, here is one thing I’ve learned and is now the golden rule I live and date by:
That means if he doesn’t treat you with respect, care and attention now — this is the pattern that you will take with you into any potential relationship.
But lots of us want so desperately to believe that we can change someone, that our love has that power.
Even when you have a positive influence in the short term, unless that behaviour is truly coming from within him as a reflection of who he chooses to be — it won’t last.
If you’ve been on several dates and you just haven’t heard from him in a few days, rather than jumping to conclusions, you might decide to test the water first by reaching out in a more relaxed way.
After all, it’s not obvious at this stage that he really is pulling away and there could be 1001 more innocent explanations.
When you’re dating a guy, you certainly don’t have to wait around to hear from him.
In fact, this can reassure him of your interest (if there’s any doubt in his mind) and will come across as confident to most men.
It should never scare a guy off for you to be the one who reaches out first.
Here are a few tips for writing a casual text to him when you worry he’s pulling away:
When you feel pretty confident that he really is pulling away from you, and you’re ready to get to the bottom of what’s going on — the direct approach is your best bet.
The direct approach has to be about you getting some answers, clarity, or closure, rather than trying to get a particular response out of him.
Of course, you want to hear all the right things back, but it’s so important for us to keep telling ourselves that we can’t control how others feel and we shouldn’t ever try.
Here are a few tips for writing a direct text when he pulls away:
“It seems like you’re not interested anymore.”>