How does okcupid work these days???? : OkCupid

So, having been a member for a little over a year, messaged at least 90 people and gone on 30-something dates, I thought I’d write a brief how-to on what has worked for me. Keep in mind that this is a perspective piece and that your experience will vary; however, I feel like there are some hard and fast rules and “theory” that applies. With that disclaimer out of the way, you can spare me the meaningless comments. Also, Im still single! >:D

Competition: Whether you’re a man or a woman, with online dating there is a butt load of competition from others. Think about it, it’s like putting a whole bunch of single people in a room and saying “go for it.” If you are messaging a someone, they are probably messaging a couple others and has gone on dates with a few others.

Forget Leagues (“She’s a 10” or “he/she is out of my league”): Don’t limit yourself. If you think that a certain someone is cute, message them! There’s a been a lot of girls that have told me “There’s a ton of guys that I would have gone out with had they just asked.” Be confident in yourself, send the message and forget about it. I’ve dated people in real life and on OkCupid that I thought would have been a little more attractive than I was, but I knew that I had a good personality and a good attitude.

You won’t like everyone you meet: Let’s say you message that person a few times and you offer to meet them for coffee. Your odds are fair that you may HATE them after 15 minutes of talking. I’ve met a 99% match, messaged her turned in to texting for a few DAYS before our scheduled meet up and I didn’t like her after speaking with her.

You could be disappointed: Just like in real life, there are going to be people who: don’t write back, ignore, dump, or mislead you. It’s a part of life and you may not know the reason why they did it. Let them own that, it probably doesn’t reflect on you.

People are single IRL: Research shows that men and women don’t just meet online (who knew!?!), so you should also internetwork with others in your everyday life. I’ve met women at work and school. Hell, I dated this girl for 3 months that was my ex-girlfriends roommate! You never know when or where you meet this person, so give it a chance.

Be the nice guy: You know who you are. No words can express how much guys who say “I can’t get a girlfriend because I’m such a nice guy.” You may very well be a nice guy, but it’s confidence that gets you places! Most of the “nice guys” that I know will let people walk all over them and can’t set boundaries with people. Be nice, set boundaries with others (not just girls), and be confident in yourself. Also, not everyone is going to want to be romantically involved with you.

Laugh at yourself: This is where I shine, I’m super clumsy and I will say stupid shit even when I’m not nervous. Be yourself, I haven’t met anyone from OkCupid that didn’t already know I was a total dork! 🙂 Be yourself, talk about things you like with your date, and if you fall down the stairs in front of her, laugh with her. Anyone who doesn’t want to be around someone who ins’t afraid of laughing at themselves is probably an asshole.

OkCupid gives you so many avenues of people for you to gawk at, and the best part is that most of them have a profile for you to read about them. Before you message, take a good hard look at their pictures and read their profile. Take a mental note of interesting things about them to bring up in a possible future message! If their profile really strikes you, take a look at their questions after you send them a message. Also, are they in your Quiver or did you just find their profile?

I feel like this leaves it wide open for them. They can elaborate on their favorite bands or music and tell you about their week, plus, you didn’t waste time writing a long-ass message that they might not reply to. You can write your messages however you like, but this kind of thing worked for me (and it was much more generic, trust me).

Now, lets set your expectations – He or she will either reply, or they won’t. They might view your profile and not message you back, or they might just reply and not look at your profile at all. Keep in mind that even if they reply, you might just get some one-word answers to your questions (in that case, I don’t reply back). There’s no rule to say what you will get back. I’ve gotten anywhere from a sentence to a page in response back; hopefully you get a name and a smiley face!

Let’s backtrack, there’s no telling what comes from messaging someone. I’ve had a fair amount of girls send me, “hey, I’m going to lie down. text me 402-XXX-XXXX” after chatting for a while. If that happens, congratulations – you didn’t even have to try. Text her for a while and ask her if she wants to meet up.

Otherwise, let instinct be your guide. I usually wait until we’ve started exchanging longish messages, or if you need to put a number on it, between 5-10. Before I even send a girl a message, I can kind of gauge how outgoing she might be, if she’s super out going, I’ve asked about meeting after about 4 messages. For the girls that seem shy, I wait and try to make them feel more comfortable. Alternatively, you can ask them to text or talk of the phone first.

First of all, I don’t like to call it a date. I ask girls if they would like to meet for coffee and chat. This way, it’s open and you both can leave if its not working. I decide randomly if I’m going to pay for her coffee or not – depends on previous messages and body language from her.

I’ll let you in on a little secret; anytime I got a second date, I knew that she would go; there was no guessing or games and it was also really easy to ask. They will also probably work with you to make the date happen. If for some reason they have to cancel, and they still want to get together, they will set expectations about when they will have free time in the near future; if they don’t, don’t ask them again.

I was really nervous the first few times that I met someone online. I had no idea what the expectations were, what to say or how long it would take. This girl and me had spoken a lot via messages and I knew that she was cool. We exchanged phone numbers, too. It helped knowing that she was cool. Even though it didn’t work out for her and me, I still had a great time talking to her. My nervous-ness had paid off! Now that I’ve met so many people, it’s really easy to get out there and meet new people. It also made it easy to talk to random people and make conversation; this is one reason why I’m happy that I did online dating.

Although, saying all of that, whenever I go on a date with a girl, I always still have some butterflies. Who ever said that that was not normal? Truth be-told, your date is probably a little nervous, too. There’s a huge difference in being confident in yourself and being a little nervous about your date.

This is how I’ve met all of my girlfriends… I’m far from the guy who starts out with dating. What usually happens is I meet a girl, become friends, and I recognize some body language and some social clues. I then make my move based on this. Don’t fall under the assumption that things will happen in a specific order, either.

How Does OkCupid Work? A Beginner’s Guide

Does Okcupid work? : OkCupid

Like seriously. Would I be better off using OkCupid or Tinder? Ive had this for app for three months now, and Ive gotten a lot of likes, but no messages. Im not saying its the apps fault or anything, but Ive noticed a few flaws with it, such as having to pay so people can see who liked you, etc. would I be better off using Tinder or something?

How does okcupid work these days???? : OkCupid

I sort of came back to it, and I noticed that OkC seems to have changed to a more tinder/hot or not format… From what I gather, you cannot actually send your message, or someone see it UNTIL you both like each other. Ive heard rumor that female profiles see messages regardless.

F**king OkCupid: How does it work? Online dating 101 : OkCupid

First of all, I don’t like to call it a date. I ask girls if they would like to meet for coffee and chat. This way, it’s open and you both can leave if its not working. I decide randomly if I’m going to pay for her coffee or not – depends on previous messages and body language from her.

Now, lets set your expectations – He or she will either reply, or they won’t. They might view your profile and not message you back, or they might just reply and not look at your profile at all. Keep in mind that even if they reply, you might just get some one-word answers to your questions (in that case, I don’t reply back). There’s no rule to say what you will get back. I’ve gotten anywhere from a sentence to a page in response back; hopefully you get a name and a smiley face!

Although, saying all of that, whenever I go on a date with a girl, I always still have some butterflies. Who ever said that that was not normal? Truth be-told, your date is probably a little nervous, too. There’s a huge difference in being confident in yourself and being a little nervous about your date.

You won’t like everyone you meet: Let’s say you message that person a few times and you offer to meet them for coffee. Your odds are fair that you may HATE them after 15 minutes of talking. I’ve met a 99% match, messaged her turned in to texting for a few DAYS before our scheduled meet up and I didn’t like her after speaking with her.

Let’s backtrack, there’s no telling what comes from messaging someone. I’ve had a fair amount of girls send me, “hey, I’m going to lie down. text me 402-XXX-XXXX” after chatting for a while. If that happens, congratulations – you didn’t even have to try. Text her for a while and ask her if she wants to meet up.

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