7 Questions To Consider Before Sending A Double Text

Double-texting, or messaging two times before someone responds, is viewed as taboo in modern dating. While double-texting can feel bad, therapists say there is no rule for how much you should text. If you feel bad about double-texting, put your phone down and let the other person reply at their own pace.

Why you SHOULD double text

1. How Long Has It Been Since You Last Texted Them?

should i double text

An hour? Three? Before sending a follow-up, take a beat.. Were all busy humans with different schedules that make constant communication a challenge (and you probs don’t want to date someone overly available anyway). Yes, you can (and should) care about the person you are dating, but you do not need to start calling local hospitals after a few hours of radio silence.

Of course, if this becomes a habit, and it continues to make you uncomfortable, it might be worth addressing. Ask yourself: When was the last time you left a text they sent you unanswered for a while? Maybe they’re just playing hard to get. Games are the worst, but patience is a virtue.

If a couple days go by and they’re still leaving you on read, you can consider reaching out to make sure they’re alive.

If your last text to them was something like “I had fun too, thanks,” you shouldnt expect anything right away. (Also, if you really want a response, try incorporating more questions into your messages.)

Even if you were chatting about something more involved, some people dont like to text all day, every day. Conversations require pauses. Its natural. Try waiting a day before sending them a funny article you found. (Just not this one.)

Basically, before you write them off as a ghost, give them a chance to redeem themselves. The exception to this rule is if they go AWOL on a day you have plans together. If that’s the case, feel free to double text the sh*t out of them. Right away. Thats totally legitimate, and there are no rules about figuring out plans. (But, just an aside, you deserve someone who makes and keeps plans with you.)

Have you only gone out once? Twice? On the first couple of dates, you are both figuring out if you like each other. So, an unanswered text at this stage shouldn’t be too devastating. These things happen. Maybe they’re just not interested, which can sting. But you’re probably not that invested in them anyway. If this situation sounds familiar, sending a double text might have the potential to make you feel worse.

If you have been dating for a few weeks or months, its a completely different story. By now, you probably know their texting patterns, and you should feel OK double-texting them. At this point, theres no need for games.

And If they are freaked out by a double text a month in? Good riddance. You just saved yourself a lot of time spent agonizing over cryptic responses and evasive texts.

4. Were They On Social Media Since Your Last Text?

should i double text

If you see him liking a bunch of IG models’ pictures on your Instagram feed, or she sends you a Snapchat while out with his friends, with no regard to your text from three hours ago, youre allowed to be a little annoyed.

Honestly, there are a million explanations as to why they haven’t replied (like, its easier to double-tap a photo at your desk than it is to check your schedule and then craft a text about when you can hang out), but still, come on.

At this point, the choice is yours — double-text and get clear on what their deal is or take this as a warning sign you may not be their priority at the moment.

5. What Are They Usually Doing At This Point In The Day?

They could just be out for a run, grabbing a bite to eat, or stuck in a work meeting. All completely legit excuses. But an unanswered text can make you a little angsty, especially if it was sent to someone you are crushing on hard.

See if you can zoom out for a moment to gain some perspective: Could they be busy at work? Could they already be asleep? Did you forget about their phone-free yoga class?

Even if you have no idea what they’re up to, give them (and yourself) a break. Just because they replied immediately to your texts this morning does not mean they can keep it up all day long. There are plenty of reasons they could be slow to reply, and, even without an excuse, they have the right to some text-free time.

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