10 definite signs your boss likes you romantically (and what to do about it)
1) They pay more attention to you and help you, even though you don’t need it
If he’s paying more attention to you than usual, than other people, and than his own team, it’s more than a coincidence.
Humans are creatures of habit and when things take us out of that habit, there’s usually a really good reason.
Even though you feel like your boss trusts you and knows your work, you can’t help but feel as though they are hanging around a bit too much for their own good.
Offering to kick in on projects or bringing you into their circle of projects, you might be feeling as though you’re getting far too much attention.
Of course, this could be made worse if others also notice you’re getting more attention from the boss than they are; however, all you need to be concerned about is whether or not lines are being crossed.
In many workplaces, there are strict rules about dating coworkers, so it’s important to get clear on what’s going on here.
Even if you and your boss only spend time together at work now, if you’re making him feel a certain powerful emotion, then chances are your boss likes you romantically.
The hero instinct is a fascinating new concept in relationship psychology which claims that men are much more likely to fall in love with women who make them feel like a hero.
Do you let your boss step up to the plate for you? Does he feel like he’s protecting you (even in little ways) and helping you with your career? Is he your mentor as well as your boss?
Then chances are he has strong feelings of attraction towards you.
The simple truth is that men have a biological urge to provide for and protect women. It’s hardwired into them.
By making your boss like an everyday hero, it unleashes his protective instincts and the most noble aspect of his masculinity. Most importantly, it will unleash his deepest feelings of attraction.
A man won’t fall for a woman when this thirst isn’t satisfied.
I know it sounds kind of silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives, especially at work.
But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to be a hero. Because it’s built into their DNA to seek out relationships that allow them to feel like a protector.
The hero instinct is a legitimate concept in relationship psychology that I personally believe has a lot of truth to it.
To learn exactly how to trigger the hero instinct in your coworker, check out this free online video by James Bauer. He’s the relationship psychologist who first introduced the concept.
Some ideas really are life-changing. And for romantic relationships, I think this is one of them.
While everyone loves to be recognized for a job well done, a gift without any reason isn’t always received well.
If you’ve received a gift from your boss without any explanation of why you’re being recognized, it might be time to sit down and ask yourself what’s going on here.
This can be especially confusing if your boss insists that you are doing a great job and wants to thank you for your service, but others in your office are also doing a great job – maybe even a better job than you! – and aren’t being recognized for their service.
If you also like your boss and feel like something might be happening, you’ll need to prepare to have that conversation, rather than letting this go on for everyone to see.
It’s so obvious that he’s flirting with you, it’s painful.
And whether you like it or not, flirting in the office leaves you open for criticism from other coworkers and could spell trouble down the road.
Still though, if you want to know for sure what’s up, the flirting will get you every time.
It’s not hard to tell when someone is flirting with you and if you’re getting it from all sides from this person, it’s probably a good indication that they are into you.
If you find that your boss is crossing the line between friendly banter and chit-chat to more sexualized or intentional conversations about the two of you, you can bet your bottom dollar, something’s up.
All you have to do is look around at how this person talks to others in the office.
If you’re getting special attention or feel like you’re being spoken to in a different way, that’s a good indication that they favor you in some way.
5) Your boss may be attracted to you if he engages in significant eye contact
Prolonged and significant eye contact is one of the top indicators of romantic interest no matter what the context.
Your boss may not even be fully aware that he’s doing it. If you catch him looking into your eyes on a regular basis, chances are his thoughts are straying in the direction of romance.
Here are some things to keep in mind to tell whether your boss likes ou:
To work out whether your boss likes you romantically, you need real and honest advice.
Having studied relationships and psychology most of my adult life, I know a thing or two about it.
But why not turn to the most famous psychologist of all?
Yes, Sigmund Freud can tell you what your boss’ true feelings for you are.
Simply take this brilliant quiz from my friends at Ideapod. Answer a few personal questions and Freud himself will dredge through all the subconscious issues motivating your man to give you the most accurate (and downright fun) answer of all.
Sigmund Freud was the grandmaster at understanding sex and attraction. This quiz is the next best thing to setting down one-on-one with the famous psychoanalyst.
I took it myself a few weeks ago and was amazed at the unique insights I received.
Another sign that your boss might be interested in you is if they invite you out for dinner and drinks.
Even if it is under the guise of work-related conversation, if you’re the only one getting the invite, your boss probably has more on their mind than the budget.
Before things go too far, take stock of your own feelings and get clear on what you want.
If you have no interest in this person but fear for your job, it might be a good idea to get some mediation help from HR.
If you do like this person and think there’s a real chance at a relationship with them, you two will need to have that conversation and navigate office romance.
Depending on the policies in your office, that office romance might need to be made public, or, you may find yourself dealing with a worse-case scenario conversation: one of you has to leave the company in order for you to pursue this relationship.
Many difficult conversations will come from a sexual attraction in the office, whether it’s with your boss or not.
People need jobs and need to be able to go to work without fear for their jobs because of how they feel.
If you feel like this attention and special treatment is impacting your job performance or feel like you don’t want to engage in a relationship with your boss, it’s best to deal with it quickly, rather than let it go on for a long time.
There is no right answer here and only you can decide how to proceed.
While not as obvious, you need to learn to trust your gut.
When you work day in day out with someone, your instinct is actually operating off lots of subconscious signals that have likely lasted for a while.
You already know whether something is going on here or not and you’re just too afraid to admit it because then you’d have to do something about it.
Sometimes you just know when someone is giving you the eye. And you can always monitor how they treat other employees to confirm your instinct’s suspicion.
Obviously, if they don’t give them any special attention as they do with you, then you know they probably fancy you.
If you notice that they treat the opposite sex in the same flirty manner, then they might just be a sleazy type of character. That’s not fine, but it means that they don’t exclusively fancy you and just you.
Does your boss help you to solve your problems at work (or even in life)?
Then chances are he sees you as more than a colleague or friend.
For example, if your computer is acting up, or if you have a strategic problem and need advice, do you seek out his help?
A man wants to feel appreciated. And he wants to be the first person you turn to when you genuinely need help — especially if you guys work together.
Although asking for your boss’s help may seem fairly innocuous, it actually helps to trigger something deep within him. Something that is crucial to him developing feelings of attraction towards you.
For a man, feeling appreciated is often what separates “like” from “love”.
Simply put, men have a biological drive to feel needed, to be appreciated, and to provide for the woman he cares about.
Relationship psychologist James Bauer calls it the hero instinct. I talked about this concept above.
As James argues, male desires are not complicated, just misunderstood. Instincts are powerful drivers of human behavior and this is especially true for how men approach their relationships.
If you want your boss to have romantic feelings towards you, then there are things you can do to trigger this instinct in him.
You don’t need to pretend to be anyone you’re not or play the “damsel in distress”. You don’t have to dilute your competence at work in any way, shape or form.
In an authentic way, you simply have to show your boss what you need and allow him to step up to fulfill it.
In his new video, James Bauer outlines several things you can do. He reveals phrases, texts and little requests that you can use right now to make him feel more essential to you.
By triggering this very natural male instinct, you’ll not only give him greater satisfaction as a man but it will also help to rocket your relationship to the next level.
If your boss invites you (just you!) out for drinks, rest assured they want to talk about more than Monday’s meeting.
Going out after work only makes sense when the whole office partakes.
But if they zeroed in going out to drinks with you and no one else, then something is up.
You might say that you two get along great, but it still isn’t common practice, especially when it is just the two of you.
If you’re getting a random text from your boss to see how your weekend is going or how the birthday party was or how your movie night went, there’s more going on than meets the eye.
Lines are being crossed and whether or not you want to cross them is up to you, but this is a sure sign they are into you.
If the texts aren’t about work, then you can be sure that they are into you.
He might tell you something that he isn’t sharing with other people because he trusts you and feels safe around you.
They might tell you something big about the company or their personal life and they want your insight.
Do they ask questions to show they are interested in learning more about your personal life, or are they talking about their personal life… non-stop?
Keep in mind that if they are continually talking themselves up about life outside of work, then they are probably trying to impress you.
13) They are trying to show you the power they yield at work
They’ll tell you about your promotion opportunities or hang them over your head in some way to get you to talk to them.
They’ll probably give you “vertical praise”. This is praise about your work where they are talking from a position of power.
It’s very condescending and you’ll notice if it happens to you.
What they’re trying to do is come from a position of authority so you can recognize that it would benefit you to suck up to them.
This isn’t cool, but if you need confirmation that they are into you, watch how they treat you about your work.