17 Heartbreaking Signs Your Husband Hates You

Suggest couples’ therapy

If your husband acts like he hates you, but you still have hope to save your marriage, you should seek professional assistance. If ‘my husband hates me, but I love him’ is your situation, consider attending couples counseling sessions.

  1. Figure out If You Want to Make It Work (or Not) If you really feel that strongly that your husband hates you, then you need to have a good, long talk with yourself. …
  2. Talk to Him. …
  3. Make a Plan. …
  4. Seek Counseling. …
  5. Divorce…

What To Do When Your Husband Hates You

1. He avoids you — or avoids being alone with you.

You’re in the same place, but he seems allergic to your company. He keeps finding something (or someone) else to occupy his time and attention. And when you finally corner him with a question or comment, he seems anxious to get away.

You used to gravitate toward each other. Now, it seems you have the opposite effect on him.

2. He blames you for the problems in your relationship.

Whenever you try to talk about a problem in your relationship, he reframes it to blame you for it. As far as he can tell, you seem determined to find issues where there are none.

Or if you see a problem, it’s of your own making. He gaslights you and makes you doubt your perspective on the relationship. He makes you feel as though you’re the one ruining everything. And you shouldn’t be surprised if he gets fed up enough to leave you.

He has zero interest in working on the relationship to make it better. Because strengthening your connection just isn’t a priority for him.

Or he might be avoiding the issue out of fear that you’ll point out everything he’s doing wrong and put all the blame on him. He might feel there’s no point in working on a relationship that no longer makes either of you happy.

If he’s already given up on having a close and satisfying relationship with you, he won’t see the work as anything but a waste of energy.

Why should he air his feelings about you to someone who might judge him for every perceived failure as a husband? Why subject himself to that if he doesn’t see a benefit to counseling?

He may have such negative feelings about you that he doesn’t see counseling as worthwhile.

And if he’s counting on the therapist taking your side, he won’t see one. Nor is he likely to want to spend an hour each week arguing about your relationship.

5. He never has time for you (even when he’s home).

Whenever you want to do something together or just talk, he has other things to do.

If you press him to schedule a time for you two to talk privately, he resists being pinned down or being made to sacrifice a chunk of his precious free time. He may see it only as a chance for you to vent or to talk about things that don’t interest him.

If you can at least persuade him to commit to 15 minutes, it’s a start. Prepare a shortlist of things to talk about but don’t expect to cover everything.

He spends more and more of his time away from home lately. Aside from his job, he goes out for activities, classes, volunteer opportunities, or just to hang out with friends or family. Maybe his friends have gotten on his case for spending so much time with you.

Or maybe he just prefers to spend time away from home. He may associate the home environment with stress (arguments, tension, criticism) rather than love or security.

It’s one thing if he disagrees with you. That much happens even in happy marriages. But if he’s insulting you to your face and then repeating those insults when he talks about you to other people, there’s a problem. Here are some examples of disrespectful comments:

  • “You’re pathetic! I don’t know why I bother with you.”
  • “This food is disgusting. Haven’t you learned anything about cooking?”
  • “No one expects you to say anything smart. Focus on being useful.”
  • He clearly doesn’t mind speaking disrespectfully to you or making you look bad to other people. But you’re afraid of how he’d react if you tried talking to him the same way.

    He used to look you up and down and sigh with a dreamy smile on his face. Now he doesn’t seem to want to make eye contact with you.

    You can’t remember the last time he asked if you were in the mood. The last time you tried to surprise him with some new lingerie, he barely noticed. And when he finds you in bed, he shows zero interest in getting cozy with you.

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